The Ex

During my break-up with my ex (in February) I was feeling extremely emotional but eventually got over him to the point where I no longer thought of him. And I realised that any nice feelings or thoughts I had about him weren't about him at all but more about the moments we shared and the stuff we did together.

Prior to us getting together today I had already pictured in my head how it would go down (because I think I know him well enough) and it went pretty much EXACTLY how I thought it would. It made me realise that I am completely and utterly over him and there are just too many bad qualities about him and I'm so glad I'm not with him, but also that I'm so glad I'm not with anyone! Relationships do my head in.

I did have some fleeting gushy feelings for him upon seeing him today after two months but then I realised that those were feelings of nostalgia, of our happy times together and not necessarily happy thoughts about him. I asked if he was seeing someone new now and he said he was and to be honest I feel a bit sorry for her. I don't think of my ex is a super nasty person but I do think he's a bit 'confused' about how relationships work and also I think he's too busy for a girlfriend anyway. He's one of those people who have all their free time booked up...

I did also learn that he changed jobs (and the city for the job) a month ago and earns more than he did before (but he says he is still looking elsewhere for a better paying job!). I also learned that he's going to Paris with his family to see an aunt during Easter and that's about all the information I got out of him in the 2 hours we spent together. In the car going back he did casually ask if I effaced (deleted) some photo albums of mine on Facebook and I said "No?" He said he was looking for a particular album of mine and couldn't find it. In all honesty I change my privacy settings so often I forgot who can/can't see what. When I got home now I had a look and yes, I had blocked him from seeing certain albums after he dumped me - ha! Wow, I admit I was somewhat flattered and shocked he was looking for a particular photo of me after dumping me....

The rest was a blur as we didn't say much and just admired the scenery/landscape (he drove me to a place we'd never been to before, near one that we had). Actually that was the weirdest thing for me and brought me a huge sense of nostalgia. I remember vividly the night we drove through the forest in the snow with a thousand twinkling stars in the sky. It was so damn cold and pitch black. Today it was day time, and 16° and sunny and reasonably warm for somewhere that is 1100m altitude. In fact, it looked pretty ordinary to me and I preferred the wintery scene... I said that it looked like we were in some dinosaur place with upended bits of dirt and grass and weird rocks of all sizes everywhere. It was so weird and he explained that because we had had such a dry winter (and also with snow covering the ground) it affected the grass/ground/plants which is why everything looked kind of weird, and dry and dead...

So it was and wasn't quite the 'conclusion' I'd hoped for between us but in the end I remain neutral. I definitely don't want to get back to him nor do I hate him for dumping me. I don't really feel anything at all. I forgive him for 'wronging' me. It was just something that happened in the past and I'm over it now. I'm glad we saw each other today to at least say goodbye for what would probably be the last time we ever see each other...