Fucked up

Sometimes life is just really really really really fucked up. I am so pissed and angry and sad over something that has happened. However I cannot and will not tell anyone what it is. Not a single soul. This is just bloody ridiculous. I've been thinking about it over and over and over and over in my head for days and trying to make sense of it all... I don't know what to do now as it's something that's going to affect me for a long while yet, and it's just Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so fucked up it's not funny.

The other assistant who lives down the corridor from me even asked if I was crying because I must've had a look of disappointment/sadness on my face.. I don't know.. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Part sadness, part anger. I've just been thinking too much which has no doubt added to my insomnia.

Sometimes, life is just not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like yelling and screaming but nothing comes out. I feel cold. I feel empty.

I'm sure if I told someone they'd probably say, "Oh I'm sorry to hear that... but just forget about it. It's not worth it" I can't just forget about it even if I try. It'd be impossible. It's just shit and fucked up. I know I'm not making any sense but it'll makes sense to me when I re-read this in a few months time (when, hopefully, I will be way way way over this 'thing'). But for fuck's sake, at the moment I feel like shit.

I could say, "I fucked up" (as per the header image) but the truth is, even if I went back in time and changed what happened the other result wouldn't have been great either. It was a case where I would either lose or lose. Nothing to gain. I can't say I made the wrong choice because it seemed like the right choice. If I went back in time I actually don't regret what happened at all.. but it's just stupid now... just some plain dumb stupid fucked up shit. STUPID STUPID STUPID.

I'm gonna try to have an early night for a change.

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23 Jan:  Actually the title is wrong. I did speak to someone (someone impartial and relatively anonymous on the internet) and in doing so verified my conclusions that I eventually came to when I saw the light. It wasn't me that fucked up, it was them. I almost wish I could spill the beans and get an outpouring of sympathy and support (or maybe not) but it's something best forgotton. As they say, Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.



(image from here).

Insomnia... This week and random thoughts

Started writing this at 1:30am this morning but then my laptop cut out because I ran out of battery...

Some things of note that happened to me this past week...

After a nice weekend in Geneva with the other assistant in my school, I had a shit Monday which is technically my day off. However, I can never relax if I stay in my room due to the location near the road (and also where the school buses pick up and drop off the kids).

The kids mock me when I tell them off (because, I have an accent, which is oh-so-hilarious you know (roll eyes)) and don't respect me. I'm sick of it.

On Tuesday, The cleaning lady (who is always super nice to me) told me to take away their 'carnet de correspondance' if they didn't listen to me.

I'm still not even entirely sure what it's about as it's something that only exists in France (I think) but basically it's a small book that keeps a record of each time they are late to class, or have to leave early, when they have a day off sick, or when they need to go to the nurses, etc. They also write in it from time to time and then the parents look at it to see if they've done anything 'naughty' which also goes in there.

Teaching Job Interview techniques

Yesterday I had the first meeting/lesson with my second 'client'. That is, a client for my 1:1 English lessons. I much prefer 1:1 or small groups rather than big classes. None of my classes are bigger than 12-15 students but for me that is still heaps!

As mentioned before, I teach BTS classes where we (myself and another teacher) have to help the kids write their CVs* and cover letters in English and help with job terminology and interviews, etc - all in English. Since it's far easier to get a job in France if you are bi-lingual it's an important skill to have.

Personally, myself, I have had hundreds of interviews. I'm not sure how many exactly but lots. Of these I've been interviewed for interesting positions in the head offices of large companies such as Apple (Aust), Toshiba (Aust), Hermès (Sydney/Aust) and Woolworths (the second largest private employer in Australia). Then, when I was unemployed they'd send me on all these job search training courses and mock interviews. Suffice to say, I'd like to think I now know a lot about job interviews!

So it was with much interest that I gave yesterday's lesson to this young man. He, like most people in my town, wants to work in Switzerland as the pay is double of what one earns here in France (for the same position). He said he'd been to 2 interviews already before and they were very impressed with his qualifications, skills and work experience but he was a little lacking in the English department. Even though it's only required for 20% of the job it's the main reason he didn't get those jobs so he said he really wanted to improve and wanted me to do a mock interview with him.

Now, it's not actually all that easy being on the other side for a change! I had to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak. (actually, one thing I've realised from going to so many interviews is that there are a lot of really shit interviewers!)

Anyway, he set up his iPhone to record our lesson/conversation/interview so he could refer back to it later. I didn't just help him with correcting his English grammar mistakes but actually gave him tips about what he could do or say in the interview as well.

It made me feel good on the inside to impart all this knowledge that I had accumulated over the years. When I was younger I hated interviews and used to be a nervous wreck with my stomach all knotted and twisted up but now it doesn't faze me so much anymore. Doesn't mean I'll always get the job (in fact I often don't) but I just take it all as one big learning experience.

* In France a résumé is not a CV because résumé means 'summary' which would just be the main points of your educational and professional background in one paragraph.

Vocabulary/Vocabulaire
a job interview = un entretien (d'embauche)
CV/Résumé = CV
a cover letter = une lettre de motivation
Educational Background = Formation 
Professional Background = Expérience Professionnelle




(image from here).