The Ex

During my break-up with my ex (in February) I was feeling extremely emotional but eventually got over him to the point where I no longer thought of him. And I realised that any nice feelings or thoughts I had about him weren't about him at all but more about the moments we shared and the stuff we did together.

Prior to us getting together today I had already pictured in my head how it would go down (because I think I know him well enough) and it went pretty much EXACTLY how I thought it would. It made me realise that I am completely and utterly over him and there are just too many bad qualities about him and I'm so glad I'm not with him, but also that I'm so glad I'm not with anyone! Relationships do my head in.

I did have some fleeting gushy feelings for him upon seeing him today after two months but then I realised that those were feelings of nostalgia, of our happy times together and not necessarily happy thoughts about him. I asked if he was seeing someone new now and he said he was and to be honest I feel a bit sorry for her. I don't think of my ex is a super nasty person but I do think he's a bit 'confused' about how relationships work and also I think he's too busy for a girlfriend anyway. He's one of those people who have all their free time booked up...

I did also learn that he changed jobs (and the city for the job) a month ago and earns more than he did before (but he says he is still looking elsewhere for a better paying job!). I also learned that he's going to Paris with his family to see an aunt during Easter and that's about all the information I got out of him in the 2 hours we spent together. In the car going back he did casually ask if I effaced (deleted) some photo albums of mine on Facebook and I said "No?" He said he was looking for a particular album of mine and couldn't find it. In all honesty I change my privacy settings so often I forgot who can/can't see what. When I got home now I had a look and yes, I had blocked him from seeing certain albums after he dumped me - ha! Wow, I admit I was somewhat flattered and shocked he was looking for a particular photo of me after dumping me....

The rest was a blur as we didn't say much and just admired the scenery/landscape (he drove me to a place we'd never been to before, near one that we had). Actually that was the weirdest thing for me and brought me a huge sense of nostalgia. I remember vividly the night we drove through the forest in the snow with a thousand twinkling stars in the sky. It was so damn cold and pitch black. Today it was day time, and 16° and sunny and reasonably warm for somewhere that is 1100m altitude. In fact, it looked pretty ordinary to me and I preferred the wintery scene... I said that it looked like we were in some dinosaur place with upended bits of dirt and grass and weird rocks of all sizes everywhere. It was so weird and he explained that because we had had such a dry winter (and also with snow covering the ground) it affected the grass/ground/plants which is why everything looked kind of weird, and dry and dead...

So it was and wasn't quite the 'conclusion' I'd hoped for between us but in the end I remain neutral. I definitely don't want to get back to him nor do I hate him for dumping me. I don't really feel anything at all. I forgive him for 'wronging' me. It was just something that happened in the past and I'm over it now. I'm glad we saw each other today to at least say goodbye for what would probably be the last time we ever see each other...

So why are you single?

It still amazes me how many comments and questions I get relating to my relationship status. I've been asked:

1• Did I come here because of a man?
2• Did I come here because of a relationship breakup back home?
3• Do I want to stay and marry a guy (and therefore can stay longer)?
4• Did I get a boyfriend recently?
5• WHY am I single?
6• Why do I travel alone everywhere?

Then, I've been propositioned and hinted by various men that they are interested in me (and I am NOT interested in them)! etc etc..

Gosh, it's so bizarre.

I'm not overly offended (and sometimes even find the comments funny) but at the same time I think my private life is MY business and if I wish to share those details I will. (on my blog here :P ) I am also surprised by the number of times someone has told me I should marry a French guy if I want to stay longer.

For the record, it actually isn't that simple and as far as I'm aware, isn't that simple for ANY desirable Western country. You don't just marry someone and automatically end up a French (or English or German or Australian or American whatever) citizen! There are many criteria to fulfill and you have had to live legally in the country for x number of years and proven your relationship is genuine.


And to answer the questions above:

1• Definitely not. I came here for ME. What a concept, eh?! (sarcasm). Actually, my father did not want me to come and he suspected someone had put me up to it as well. He asked, "WHO told you to come to France?" and I was very shocked by this statement but he's obviously over it now, well he had to get used to the idea as I wasn't changing my mind about coming!

2• Not at all. At the time I was in a (newish) happy relationship (which ended because the long-distance thing wasn't working for us).

3• If I end up marrying a guy it would be for love and honestly, I don't think I will get married for quite some time!

4• I did get a boyfriend here in January and it sort of happened really quickly before I realised what was happening and we didn't last very long but I think/hope/assume we are friends now (well I'm seeing him today for the first time after the break-up so I'll see how it goes).
So recently? Definitely not! I'm pre-occupied trying to sort out "the issue" which is completely doing my head in with all this waiting...

5• What a stupid question! Although I suppose I should be flattered because if someone asks that I assume it means they think that someone "like me" should NOT be single (as if that's a bad thing). To be honest (and as I've mentioned on this blog numerous times) I really enjoy my 'me time' and 'quiet time' and silence and meditation and all that. I think I'm quite independent now and whilst on one hand I'd love to be in a relationship, on the other hand I always feel like my emotions are in knots (particularly at the first few months of a relationship) and I don't feel quite right, and I'm quite strong-minded so I like to do what I want when I want and how I want... in a relationship I have to learn to compromise all over again... it's difficult but for the moment I'm quite happy where I am and do not feel any overwhelming need to be tied to/with someone. I do, however, feel like I need to make as many (platonic) friends as possible so I can have a nice social life to keep me occupied :)

6• It's just easier that way! When I ask someone if they want to go with me they usually stuff me around and don't give me definite answers. It's a billion times easier just to make some plans and go! Plus since I like to take photos, 99% of people (unless they are also really into photography) get extremely impatient and then I feel stressed and don't enjoy my time there OR take good photos... However, I do enjoy company for the day once I'm in that city. But to organise dates/transport/accommodation with others just feels like too much work these days.



Meanwhile, on the subject of taboo topics, I've heard time and time again that French people don't like to talk about money yet amongst most people I know they seem to talk about salary somewhat easily. People seem to ask and tell each other their salaries... I don't know if it's just the group of people I hang around or what! But as an Australian, I feel extremely uncomfortable talking about what I earn unless that person is very close to me. I have no idea what my friends earn back home (although I could make an educated guess based on their fields of work and years of experience). Since I heard that French people don't talk about money full stop I thought it might also be weird to ask how much they spend on certain things but I've asked various people how much they spend per month on rent (I like to compare between each city for reference's sakes) and they didn't seem offended.

People and personalities

You know, I am CONSTANTLY thinking about what makes a good person and a good friend. I would say that the majority of my friends are wonderful and kind people otherwise I wouldn't be friends with them (duh). I mean they are generous (with either time or money or both) and giving.  Lately I had a bit of a falling out with my sister which saddens me as I tried my best to be a good sister and a friend to her (and we have no other siblings) but she continues to either ignore me and hold grudges (over things that happened 10 or 20 years ago!) and all in all just be an negative pain in the butt. So as sad as it is I have to kind of pretend she doesn't exist at the moment.

Now, here at the school and in my town I've met some wonderful and kind people and yes I know that everybody says that French people are hard to 'crack' but once you 'crack' them they are soft on the inside (if you like my egg analogy ;) ) which I think is very true. And given that it usually takes YEARS to get to know them I think I've done pretty fabulously well for less than 7 months!

Today, I was thinking about some of the people at the school and that no matter what I say or do to them they just don't want to be my friend. I treated everyone the same when I first came and how I subsequently treated them depended on how they treated me... afterall I'm the guest and the stranger to their country.. *I* don't know the 'rules' but surely they must? Not that I've had a falling out with anyone but I do find many people don't like me or ignore me (for whatever reason I can't and won't understand) but now I'm so over it I honestly am glad I won't have to work with and see them anymore. That may sound nasty but that's just how I feel!

Besides, there are far more people who are nice to me and actually look forward to seeing and talking to me for me to worry about the ones that don't!! There is one teacher that I work with and I can't quite figure out which category he fits into. He seems to be nice but then some things he does suggests he's not. One of the number one criteria a good friend (and partner) must have is: Mean what they say, and do what they say they will do. This particular teacher has said many times we should catch up outside of school hours but never managed to arrange it. Now that I'm leaving he's STILL talking about it... Frankly I'm not that fussed if it doesn't happen but in my mind if you don't plan on carrying something out, don't talk about it!! Straight away, my opinion of someone goes way down if they do that to me.

Meh. I really have to stop thinking about this crap so much!!

Meanwhile, I will dearly miss the majority of my students. This morning I first had a very small class so I couldn't do much with them (in terms of celebrate my leaving). Then, after the class, two of the girls came up to me and asked me which would be my last day here as they'd like to give me something. I was so touched with even just the thought of it.

Then, in my next class I had a mini "party" with one of my favourite classes. It was so much fun and that one hour just flew by! When I told them my future plans, just the good part and not stressful "the issue" part.. they all applauded me. I was so happy and touched I could've almost cried. I also took many photos and videos that I wish I could share with you here (but won't for privacy reasons).

A few weeks back, I had my dad ship to me (by express EMS mail which cost a fortune and I'm lucky that my dad didn't kill me for that) some Australian things to show my kids. In hindsight, I could've brought it with me when I came but considering my luggage was already overweight it would've been impossible.

The funniest moment was when I introduced them to Vegemite, that dark brown famous Australian spread (for bread). It's definitely an acquired taste. I remember when I was really young I hated it but then I grew to love it and find it addictive sometimes!

I know that French people have a very sweet tooth so I could've guessed that they wouldn't like it and I think only one person did. They all admit they liked the smell of it (and many said it smelt familiar but they couldn't quite put their finger on it what that was) but hated the taste and one girl said she couldn't even swallow it. I heard dégueulasse too. I found the whole 'experiment' rather amusing and it's all captured on video for posterity :) I also let them try some delicious Tim Tam chocolate biscuits and some cute Caramello koalas (photo credit). I was quite touched when I noticed some students kept the empty sticky chocolate wrapper as well for a souvenir (as that is exactly something *I* would do!!).

At the end I had one girl come up to me and say that I was the best English teacher she ever had and that I was so much better that the other ones in the school. Although I don't think I'd agree with her I was very surprised and flattered by that sweet comment.

I went through a phase (in February, that horrible month for me) where I absolutely hated teaching and I actually thought of it as a crap job. No kidding. But after feeling a bit more confident now I realise it's not too bad a job at all and like any job there are many pros and cons. One of the biggest pros is when you have a sweet student tell you something like that. It just feels my heart with joy. :) Another thing I like about working with people who are younger than me is that they are so fresh and so innocent and haven't been screwed around by 'life experience' so they aren't negative and bitter (and therefore unfriendly) like I feel a lot of adults are.

I just had a look at my timetable and due to exams and school excursions and various other things I only JUST realised that I do NOT have a whole week left but only one day! I believe I only have one class, on a Tuesday. I could probably get it off if I wanted to and start my holidays one week earlier! Hmm... decisions...


(image from here)