I look at my students and see how young and innocent they are and wish for a time when I was that young and innocent too. But somewhere along the way people grow up and become more and more f**ked in the head. I'm just beyond upset. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm both. I'm just miserable.
I cannot concentrate on ANYTHING I am supposed to be doing. I let my kids off 5 minutes early this morning because I wasn't really teaching anyway, my mind was elsewhere (as it has been for the past 2 weeks except for my glorious weekend trip away where I was actually happy and focused on the moment in front of me for a change).
The week started off absolutely brilliantly and then came to a crashing halt again yesterday. Why does this keep going on and on and on? I thought it would be OVER by now. I guess I just have to make some very hard decisions about what to do.
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5.5 hours later... still trying to decide what to do. I'd be lying if I said I was completely innocent in this 'game'. I suppose I should partly blame myself for what happened as well. All I can say is, it's more exciting than an episode (or 100) of Days of our Lives.. I wish I could share but I can't for now, I'm sorry :( I guess part of me subconsciously craves the excitement and not knowing what's in store (and the emotional highs/lows that go with it), but in the end I suppose I may get hurt... again.
Pondering...
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