What can I say? It's clichéd but it's so true. I'm tired of waiting for things to happen to me so I have to MAKE them happen. I've been trying to figure out why I feel somewhat depressed and I guess it's a combination of these things:
1* My recent break-up (the main reason)
2* The shitty thing that happened before that that I'm still trying to forget
3* Realising that following my 'dream' career path will take too long and right now I just need to get a job for when my contract ends which is easier said than done due to legalities
4* Neverending winter with no snow in sight (the snow from this morning turned into rain and then nothing soon after I posted my blog post!)
5* Stuck in a small town with no car and..
6* Not being able to meet people easily.
That is, single people. Because coupled up people spend all their time with each other (at least that's the case for most couples I know) and people with kids spend all their free time with their kids (and their friends who have kids). I gave up making friends with the teachers because nearly all of them have young kids. I have nothing against these people, or couples, don't get me wrong, but I need to hang out with people who are in the same stage of life as I am and actually have free time to do stuff with me!
As much as I love my coterie, there's still only one friend, Y, who is single. Every other person I know is coupled up, even if their partner doesn't actually live in this town.
I guess the reason I am so cut up about my break up is because... when I was with K, it basically 'fixed' almost all my other problems in one go! It made me forget no.2, I didn't even realise 3 because I hadn't even thought that far yet, 4 didn't upset me because I was feeling more optimistic that the snow would eventually come and skiing would eventually happen, and he solved 5 and 6 for me too since I always had someone to do stuff with (2-3 times a week) and someone to drive me around!! Just call me Sherlock Holmes. ;)
I know recently I've been going on and on about it (sorry if I am boring you, readers) but I'm human, OK? I need contact with other people. It doesn't matter how happy I am with being by myself but enough is enough.
I was getting tired of people hinting they were going to invite me to their place or to such and such so I basically have to make things happen. Now, back home in Sydney this was effortless for me. I hardly did anything alone and even when I did, I didn't feel lonely because I'd be doing something with the prospect of meeting new people and having a whole lot of fun while I was at it. With my friends, I'd propose a night out at a restaurant, at the cinema, at some free festival or some other event and people would come. Of course there was the odd thing here or there that noone wanted to go to but those were rare. The fact of the matter is, when one lives in a big city there are CHOICES. Lots and lots of choices. But in a small city there are none.
So anyway, yesterday I sent a text message to one of the English teachers here at the school who's been nice to me. I never work with him but he's always been very nice to me. The first time we met I think he actively sought me out to talk to me and to ask me about myself, my life, Australia, etc. We talked for a fair while in the staffroom and then we didn't have any contact for weeks and weeks.
Then, one night I was at the cinema with C, and I saw him there (with his girlfriend). They kindly offered us a lift back to the school (otherwise it's a 30 minute walk back up a hill in freezing temps). It was the first time C met him and it was the first time neither of us met his girlfriend and afterwards we both commented how nice they both were.
He mentioned we should all get together some time again (out of school hours)... I knew it was a case of if I didn't do something about it, it would never happen as most French people tend to be much more reserved. So to cut an already long story short, I somehow indirectly invited me/us to his place (for lunch or dinner)! hahaha So now I have something fun to look forward to during my holidays that won't even cost me a cent (well maybe a small gift). He (like most teachers at my school) does not live in this town so I get to check out another little town too.
There is another teacher I am planning to try this on, but problem is, he and his girlfriend have a baby...
Also, yesterday, I received a text message from my friend for a soirée at her place.. Not sure if I will go yet as it will no doubt bring back memories of the last time I was there, with 'him'. It may make me very sad. I assume she isn't silly enough to invite him as well...
I'm nearly 70 contacts on LinkedIn, and I've joined various online meeting groups and stuff for meeting people (both for professional and personal reasons). It's the only thing I can do to stop myself from going insane, feeling so disconnected from the real world. I've set the wheels in motion so the only thing to do now is to be patient, continue to take action and hope that good things will come... soon :) Tomorrow's my last day of class before the school holidays. For the first time I'm actually not looking forward to these school holidays as I have to get down and do some serious business (and not just galavant around the country). It's the last holidays I have before my work contract finishes.
Bonne nuit !